They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nicole vs. Life
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
