I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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