I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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