i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
