I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
