I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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