Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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