I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
