I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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