I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
