The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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