That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
