I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
