my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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