PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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