I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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