What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
