Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
