I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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