i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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