Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
