i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
