Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
