did you get engaged???
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
