I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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