my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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