oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
