I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize