Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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