my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
