Taylor Swift is so right about you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
