I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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