I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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