So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
