porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you win again, gameday.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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