My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There r osticjed everywhere
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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