Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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