My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
