So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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