I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
