Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
