I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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