my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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