So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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