I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize