Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
