Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
