She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
