Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
