Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
