I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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