we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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