Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize