Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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