i already hear my dad disowning me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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