She said her name was "party"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
