mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
