We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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