Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
