Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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