im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
