we have pet lesbian snakes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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