Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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