i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
